What Would Woody Do?

One of my favourite parts from one of my favourite movies, Everyone Says I Love You, is when narrator, DJ, announces the coming of winter and the Dandridge family's holiday plans:

"But when Christmas comes... We're not the kind of family that sings carols... and we don't have a goose or anything. What we do is head for Paris, to spend Christmas at the Ritz".

As if having Woody Allen for a father isn't eurotrash enough, DJ and her entire band of misfit toys do what eurotrash always does this time of year: FLY OUT! Now, a eurotrash girl must confess that the inspiration for this post had something to do with a last-minute booking and everything to do with the fulfillment of a sound prophecy. You see, for some people 'tis the season for stuffing stockings... for others, 'tis the season for stuffing suitcases. My better half has her suitcase already stuffed; prophecy fulfilled. However, up until yesterday I really thought that the prophecy was being cruelly selective; I was a eurotrash pariah desperately shaking all the gifts under the tree in hopes of finding Pearson airport. Silly me, I should've just checked my Inbox where the e-ticket lay awaiting.

Alas, with full authority, I take charge of this post to preach the truths of the eurotrash holiday prophecy. Someway, somehow, a flight will find her. That's why when asked what she's doing for New Year's Eve, a eurotrash girl doesn't commit to any definitive plans beyond champagne. Albeit, some years the prophecy thwarts our lifestyle (or our lifestyle thwarts the prophecy?) and we get stuck on the couch, toasting to Dick Clark in HD, but we truly hope that was a one time deal. Besides, we hadn't even started the blog yet. Humble beginnings.

And not so humble ends. Whatever.

Happy Holidays and Bon Voyage!

The Eurotrash Stocking Stuffed

Flying home on a red-eye from San Francisco a few nights ago, while the other passengers slept soundly, I decided to catch up on my reading. Besides I didn't want to go to bed without having done at least one "flip through" the spanking glossy December issue of Vogue that awaited me in the Hudson News bag I had been clenching since I passed the gate. Two things happened during the flip through: I read a brilliant article and I wrote a brilliant article. (Well, the former directly inspired the latter which, when I say 'wrote' I really mean that I was waiting until THIS moment to actually write... But, since when does a eurotrash girl need to justify logistics?).

Susie Boyt's "The Good Stuff" is for anyone who loves hearing about other people in the world who are just as ferociously obsessed with goodies as they are and THIS eurotrash girl is a certified, goodies fiend. My dearest Susie just made the Christmas stocking the next best thing. She ONLY gives out stockings and fills them with personalized fare, from London Sole red ballet slippers for the dancer to Monopoly Deal cards for the constant traveller; if you're lucky, she might even include pink pencils stamped with your name in gold and the lyrics to your favourite song penned on stiff correspondence cards. A few jars of Tiptree Orange marmalade paired with Keats' Selected Letters and Susie just decked your halls! But enough about her. Naturally, I started to think about what a eurotrash stocking would be stuffed with and came up with a list of my own. Susie, this one's for you.

The Eurotrash Stocking Stuffed:

The receptacle:

One gold deluxe Moon Boot from the Winter Monarchy collection.

The stuffing:

Twelve OPI Holiday Wishes collection nail polishes, from 'Smitten with Mittens' to 'All A-Bordeaux the Sled', complete with twelve separate polish changes. Eurotrash paint her own nails? Not even if she had two right hands!

Eleven + nine tracks of sweet parisian nouveau-jazz: Pompugnac's Hotel Costes a Decade 1999-2009 compilation. The actual cd. iTunes is great and all when one is feeling paresseuse but nothing is more eurotrash than collecting rare compact discs in artsy cases, no plastic please.

Ten glistening Neapolitan cards of the winning suit in a just-started, favourable game of brisk - the ultimate eurotrash pastime, around 4pm.

Nine cypraeovula volvens south african seashells. Just as good as tissue paper.

Eight x 10,000 aeroplan miles. Because that next flight is always around the corner and never worth a dime over the airport taxes!

Seven previously owned Agatha Christie gialli. (The preferred edition should be published by Pocket Books New York during the 80s). Read one every day between Christmas and New Years Eve to ward off cabin fever with Poirot's franco-wit.

Six luxury candles. I suggest Tocca's Florence candle six times or for the rich, Luxury Soy Candles' Champagne Noir Soy with a 2.3carat, G colour and VS clarity, diamond embellishment in 14k white gold, setting you back a breezy $5,000. Don't worry, most luxury candles come with their own matches, which is perhaps the eurotrashiest part. I mean, I would be happy receiving just the matches...

All Five seasons of Absolutely Fabulous - Eddy and Patsy, the reigning queens of eurotrash before we became the reigning queens of eurotrash.

Four Links of London sterling silver holiday charms: the jumping reindeer, the stocking, the mitten and the gingerbread man. NB: you need to already own the charm bracelet upon which to solder these silver friends for this to mean anything. Sorry, thread just won't do.

Three glasses of Krug Clos Ambonnay champagne, to be drank while opening the stocking.

Two Converse Rockability sneakers - the reinterpreted studded version, of course - made exclusively for eurotrash's fav boutique in Florence, Luisa Via Roma. I know it sounds like a dream, but the store really does get famous designers to do special things for them and in turn, for us.

And last but not least, the other Moon Boot, obviously.