With all this talk of phone companies allegedly scamming their guilt-stricken, first-world customers into donating a paltry sum of money to "Haiti" simply by forwarding a quasi-chain letter to all their contacts on bbm, I decided to come clean about my own shady efforts at fundraising.
It all started with a conversation I had with my friend Kat last night as she drove me home from a "snooki-acrylic-nail-pink-icinged cupcakes and jersey shore" girls night in (yeah, thats right, eurotrash watches that show). She told me about her failed attempts at saving money all her life and how she's ready to turn over a new leaf for 2010. It breaks my heart to write this now, as it did telling her then, I said: "unfortunately, Kat, you and I have the nice clothes, nice bag and nice shoes disease and we know the transitory cure all too well...".
Then a lightbulb flashed and I thought to myself, what if I could save money AND shop?
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: The Hermes Belt Fund. Starting today, each paycheque I get, I will donate a certain portion to the HBF and for every dollar I place in that fund, I must place the same amount into an actual savings account. Sure it will take me twice as long to reach my goals, but when I do, I will have the same amount of money saved up as I just spent on a brand new Hermes belt! I know, I know, it's rather genius, I agree.
Why Hermes you ask? Look, a eurotrash girl has got every letter of the alphabet going on GG, LV, CC, RL, FF, DG, YSL - but this girl is missing the H; the ultimate fashion letter. Hermes is so sophisticated and so French that people hardly even wear it. Ignorance, n'est pas? For the more esoteric, we know that owning a piece with an H on it is like investing your money in an exclusive hedge fund that just keeps on giving. Look at Victoria Beckham, her Birkin and Kelly bag collection was recently totalled at 2 million dollars and she looks so good we could kill her. Then again, I'm sure she doesn't have an HBF going, but she might want to consider it, you know, just for fun.
Make no mistake though, for the rest of us eurotrash the HBF is serious business.
